Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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