I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize