chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
