At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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