i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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