lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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