Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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