I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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