I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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