Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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