I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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