the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
His nipple licking is glorious
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