Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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