You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
