You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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