I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
