just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
