i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
