He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
