I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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