...so i touched it.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
