I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I need water and some morals
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
