I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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