It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
