Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
