Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
