Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
