did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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