I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
