Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
