please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
