we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you inspire me to be a worse person
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
