you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
