Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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