I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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