I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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