I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
