i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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