I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
