At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize