why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
