Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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