Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
