in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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