I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
