make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
