I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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