I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
