i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
