he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
