Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
