Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize