yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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