Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
