I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
