oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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