and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
