The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize