Screwed.edu
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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