dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
