There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
