im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
im on a boat
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