My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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