she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
