guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
