do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
