i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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