I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
