Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't put those talents on a resume
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
