Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
