I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
