All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize